Jealously In Relationships

Being in a relationship is challenging, and frequently requires compromising. When your spouse or your partner is jealous, it makes it even more complicated. Jealousy between partners sometimes stems from lack of self confidence or fear of losing the partner. However, human beings are not supposed to be the property of anyone even when they get married.

I have a friend that got married at the age of 18 with a guy who was a little bit older than her. She was naive and inexperienced, while he was more mature. Both were born and raised in Eastern Europe and shared the same culture. When the guy was a teenager, he and his family moved to a Western country. He met my friend when he visited his relatives in his native country.

After they got married, she moved to his country and integrated into it. When I first met her, I saw a beautiful young lady who was wearing conservative clothes which did not suit her. She had a thick accent and it was sometimes a little hard to understand her. She changed her style over time. She was encouraged by her mother who told her that as a woman she should develop herself, be independent and get a job, and never rely on any man. She started working, got her driver’s license and bought a car. Since she was doing so well and smiled most of the time, I believed she was happy.

When my friend and I would have a girl’s evening, we would ask her to join us. But she always said that she couldn’t. We assumed that the reason was because she had small children. Anyway, one day I told her we were going out at night and she was welcome to come along. I wasn’t prepared for her answer. She told me her husband wouldn’t let her go unless he came with her, and she asked if he could come with us. It sounds awkward as it was a ladies night out, but my friend and I agreed because we really wanted her to attend.

We went to a karaoke club and were having a great time. We were singing and drinking while my friend, who is usually outgoing, sat there uncomfortably and her spouse looked really out of place. I felt so sorry for her. Anyhow, shortly after we went out she admitted her husband was possessive of her, and tried to run her life once she started working. I wasn’t surprised to hear this because as long as she was the little woman who stayed at home and raised the children, he was pleased. The minute she became financially independent, he got jealous and wanted to clip her wings.

He was afraid he would lose control over her life even though he earned much more than she did. After a while my friend told me there were problems in their marriage. She found out he was in regular contact with several women on the internet. One thing led to another, and unfortunately their relationship deteriorated and led to an ugly divorce. She had a very hard time during the divorce process. But after it was over with she behaved as though she had been released from a cage.

The funny thing is, researchers show that people with a tendency to cheat tend to be more jealous of their partner. Jealousy is kind of possessiveness when it’s over the top. It creates a lot of tension in the relationship. It also causes a lot of unnecessary suffering, as frequently it is only in the mind of the person who is jealous. Someone I know checks her husband’s cell phone every time he comes home from work. In addition, she obsessively pokes around in his pockets.

I remember I was in some party, and she and her spouse were there as well. At some point, she came over to catch up with me. I knew right away that the party was over for me …. and I was right. The entire evening she was obsessed with any woman who just passed nearby her husband. She was especially focused on one lady, who she claims was flirting with her husband. She drove me nuts all evening. In the end we realized that the lady under suspicion was interested in women more than men…… 🙂 How could anybody live with a person who is such a lunatic…… 🙂 in my opinion, her spouse should get the Nobel Prize for tolerating her ………. 🙂