Once I went to Service Ontario to renew my drivers license. I sat next to someone who didn’t stop sneezing. I tried to protect myself and covered my face with my jacket. The person was uncomfortable and said, don’t worry I’m not sick I have allergies. As I was a little bit embarrassed and wanted to clear the air, I told him he probably was allergic to me as well. He laughed so I knew he wasn’t offended.

Occasionally you sit in a public place next to a person who does not stop sneezing. You immediately think that the person has the flu or God forbid something even worse. Your first reaction is to get away from them as quickly as possible. You don’t even consider the possibility that they have an allergy. My husband for example, is  allergic to many things. When he starts sneezing it comes in waves and each wave can be between 10-15 sneezes. Also when he sneezes, it feels like the earth is shaking….. 🙂

I heard a story about this guy who suffers from all kinds of allergies. He is a graphic designer and worked for one company, which he loved, for many years. One day he was told by his employers that due to financial difficulties, his services wouldn’t be needed and they let him go. He was unemployed for a long time. The poor guy went from one interview to another without any luck. He usually suffers from minor allergies between seasons. But by the time he was unemployed the symptoms became worse.

Often when he went to an interview the symptoms intensified. He looked sick and the interviewers frequently looked like they wanted to end the meeting as soon as possible. The man experienced itchy skin, runny nose, watery eyes, difficulty breathing, etc. He was told by his doctor that this problem is a result of too much stress. After approximately a year he finally found a job in a small marketing company. The atmosphere in the company was very positive and shortly after he started the new job, the symptoms slowly vanished.

Allergy triggers can be: food, medication, pets, insects, substances you come in contact with, etc. You can also develop an allergy if you have a family history. Sometimes it can come out of the blue. For example, something you ate all your life, you suddenly develop an allergy to it. There are many allergens we come across everyday that are harmless. This is because our immune system treats them as something harmful and destroys them.

A friend told me a funny story about her sister who has been allergic to cats since she was a little girl. Her sister worked as a secretary in a company that imported and exported cosmetics. One day her boss informed the staff that she expected the arrival of some very important customers from overseas the next day. She also asked the employees to dress more formally for work. The next day when the customers arrived, the sister’s boss requested that she attend the meeting and take notes like she usually does.

She went to the conference room were the meeting was being held, but the minute she entered, she started coughing and sneezing nonstop. Embarrassed, she excused herself and left the room. When she was out, the coughing and sneezing stopped. She was sure it was because of some dust. After a few minutes she thought she was ready to return to the meeting, she entered the room smiling and apologized. But this time she not only coughed and sneezed, her eyes watered and felt itchy as well. She looked at her boss’s face which had a look of confusion and dismay. She wanted to be swallowed up by the earth and immediately left the room. She started crying out of frustration, as she did not know what got into her.

In the meantime her boss asked someone else to take notes. After they finished the meeting, her colleague who took notes told her that one of the clients brought two beautiful Siamese cats with him in a carrier. The client explained that he takes them with him wherever he goes. He never leaves them by themselves, otherwise they miss him and he misses them….. 🙂 Besides, they are his good luck charms………..

In the modern age in which we live, more people live under a lot of stress. Most of the time they are chasing after material things. People have become more competitive even if it sometimes means stepping on others to achieve their goals. Material things do not necessarily make us happy. On the contrary, they are sometimes even a source of misery.

People do not usually like to socialize with a person who boasts about their material possessions. Materialistic people are frequently considered superficial and arrogant. Occasionally these assumptions we make are based on what they purchase. But many times it is as a result of a lack of basic things they experienced in their childhood.

I know some guy who came from a poor family. He has four siblings and they used to live in a small flat. He shared a room with two of his brothers. Clothes and shoes passed between the siblings and were thrown out only after they were completely worn out. His parents did whatever they could. They both worked more than one job to support the family.

Since he was fourteen he took all kinds of jobs to help support the family. Their life was not easy but they were a close knit family and they would do anything for each other. Every time you saw them together it would warm your heart. As he was the oldest, he felt a tremendous responsibility towards his family. He said he would do whatever it takes so his family would never suffer from poverty.

He started working as a courier while attending high school. Over time he opened a courier company with his classmate. The company slowly grew and they hired employees. They also invested in real estate. He was extremely successful by the time he was thirty. He helped his family, particularly his parents. He bought them a lovely house in a very good location. They could travel and do all kinds of things they couldn’t do before. Basically he completely changed their lifestyle.

He never forgot where he came from and never allowed himself to be complacent. Although he lives in a beautiful house and drives an expensive car, he is a modest, down to earth person. He has been living in the same house for many years, despite the fact that he can afford a mansion. When his children grew up he insisted they work part time during their vacation, even though money wasn’t an issue. He wanted them to have a proper work ethic. This way they wouldn’t take money for granted. As well, he didn’t want them to go through what he did when he was growing up.

Over the years I met a lot of materialistic people who would not look at you if you didn’t have same lifestyle as they do. They look at you as though you are a charity case. Someone I met when I moved to Toronto who had a successful business for many years, unfortunately went bankrupt. In better times when she did well for herself, she would hang out with people who were very well off.

She was invited to all the best parties and social events and would spend a lot of money on brand name products. She and her spouse used to throw lavish birthday parties for their children, and buy them very expensive gifts. In short, they used to live like there was no tomorrow.

When the business started to go under, she was forced to sell her assets, and was treated as an outcast by her materialistic friends. She was no longer invited to their extravagant parties. It’s not that she became poor, God forbid. But she had to move to a smaller house, sell her fancy cars and settle for more modest vehicles.

She changed her lifestyle and stopped buying designer clothes. She told me that she now feels much happier and tranquil, as she isn’t chasing after money and possessions anymore. She realized she was never happy when she was rich, and was always trying to meet the expectations of the society she was part of. She and her family took everything for granted. Also, they used to judge middle class people as failures and usually didn’t socialize with them.

However, they are slowly learning to appreciate and enjoy the little things in life. It may sound funny, but she and her family felt they had to undergo detoxification from their materialistic lifestyle.

I have lived a modest lifestyle my whole life. I know how important it is to enjoy and value the little things. In addition, I never forget to thank God every single day for my health and the health of my family.

A few months ago, I went to see a movie with a friend of mine. The guy in front of us smelled like an ashtray. We wanted to change places, but we had no place to go since the theater was full. The smell of cigarettes was so strong that I had a problem concentrating on the movie. I know I am a little more sensitive to smells than most of my friends, but this was really stinky.

I used to smoke in the past. I started smoking when I was 16. I remember my father used to smoke once in a blue moon. He had a pack of cigarettes in the living room cabinet. Occasionally I came home from school with my friends when my parents were absent, and we used to smoke. This is how I started. I have to say I never liked the smell. It even disgusted me and I used to brush my teeth four times a day. Also, I’m not a follower by nature. I don’t try to impress anyone and always follow my own agenda. But I don’t know what got into me. I probably thought it was cool back then.

However according to researchers there are many disadvantages of being a smoker. For example, cigarettes contain thousands of chemicals which can have profound effects on every organ in your body. Smoking is the cause of many types of cancers. It also decreases the sense of smell and taste too. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to look young and attractive. People spend thousands of dollars on creams and cosmetic procedures, as our face is our calling card. But the fact is, smoking is harmful not only to smoker’s organs, it also causes premature aging of the facial skin, and deeper wrinkles as well.

Over the years, people who smoke heavily tend to get stains on their teeth. Cigarette smoking is addictive, a habit that is hard to get rid of. Smoking harms those around you including your loved ones. I read a survey online conducted among employers about their hiring preferences. Most of them preferred hiring non-smoking employees. I know from my own experience that some of the reasons are: the smoking breaks, and the strong smell. Some employers said that smokers also tend to be sick more often.

I want to be fair and mention a few advantages of smoking such as: it speeds up the metabolism, it relieves stress (I am not sure this is really true), there is also a momentary pleasure (I agree with this as long as you don’t smoke like a chimney).

Anyway, I became a real smoker after I turned 18. Then people used to smoke almost everywhere. You could hardly breathe any fresh air. I just hated it. I remember several years ago I went clothes shopping in Spain, and people were smoking inside the store. I was surprised that the owner let them smoke, not just because the clothes stunk from smoke, but also for safety reasons.

After a few years of smoking, I tried to quit several times but I couldn’t. I was addicted. I decided to smoke less and slowly reduced the amount over time. I smoked 3 cigarettes a day for a long time, and enjoyed every one of them. One day I woke up and realized I lost my voice. I had a problem with my throat for a long time and then I completely gave up smoking. Finally my dream came true. Yay………! As a bonus I didn’t gain any weight when I finally stopped.

Maybe it was because I didn’t smoke much to begin with. Although I was an ex-smoker I couldn’t tolerate the smell of cigarettes anymore, and wouldn’t let anyone smoke around me. I went on vacation in the States after I quit smoking. I booked a hotel room in Hawaii and clearly mentioned I wanted a non-smoking room. When I first entered the room, there was a very strong smell of cigarettes. I immediately went to the front desk and asked to change rooms. But unfortunately, the hotel was fully booked and nothing else was available. Even though the mistake was theirs, I was stuck in this room for the rest of the week.

The bottom line is this: I quit smoking approximately 15 years ago. I regret ever starting. If anyone who reads this post is thinking about starting to smoke or is already smoking, I hope what I have written will give you something to think about.

Toronto is a big city and the capital of the province of Ontario. It is the most populous city in Canada with a population of almost 3 million people. Toronto has only two big companies Rogers and Bell, which offer TV, mobile and internet services. Those companies have a monopoly in Ontario and probably in the rest of the country too. In addition, there are a few other companies that use their infrastructure, plus some others who are only in certain regions of the country.

As well, there are approximately 10 cell phone companies operating in the GTA (Greater Toronto Area). Three of them belong to Bell and another 3 are owned by Rogers. Therefore, there is not much competition between the companies and differences in prices are minimal. That leaves us consumers with very few options.

Canadian cell phone bills are among the most expensive in the world. Canadians have been paying a ridiculous amount of money for very little data on their cell phone plans. You would think they are at least getting excellent service, but the truth is that it’s the opposite. Canadians too often get bad service from unskilled employees, who are poorly trained, whose hands are tied, and cannot make decisions on the spot.

Unfortunately, my husband’s cell phone stopped working one day. He needed to buy a new phone and he went to a store of our mobile provider. He looked at a number of different phones and picked one. Then the fun started………..

In order to get the phone as soon as possible, he needed to pay a $200 fee plus a $25 network connection fee. The salesman in the store said to avoid those fees, he would have to order the phone online. Since he desperately needed a new phone and was already in the store, he decided to take care of it there. But he was told he could not use one of the store’s computers to place the order even though his cell phone was not working properly.

He tried six or seven times to use his phone, but it kept shutting itself off each time. Instead of offering him the use of a temporary replacement phone, the staff in the store left him to struggle with a broken phone, while they went on coffee breaks. Anyway it took him almost 2 hours speaking with several reps on the phone to place the order for the new phone and change our mobile calling plan. Most of the people he spoke with could only give out information and had no authority to do anything like making the process go faster.

Since they had the phone he wanted in the store, he asked if he could pick one up there. The reps on the phone said no, it must be shipped to him. It arrived the next day, but he had to go back to the store to have it registered on our account and activated ( as if he didn’t already spend enough time on it). When he was in the store the 1st time he negotiated the monthly bill with the company. He came to an agreement on the cost of the phone along with the calling plan.

Two days later we received our monthly bill, with an additional $25 in fees added to it. When he called the cell phone company about these extra charges, the person he spoke with was condescending and rude and refused to cancel the fees. She said the $25 fee was added because one of their reps changed our calling plan. But she was wrong, my spouse made the change online. He told her we refused to pay the additional charges.

This was extremely annoying. It wasn’t enough that my husband did all the work himself, ordering the phone online, wasting hours of his time going to the store twice, speaking with different reps on the phone, having to repeat steps over and over, etc. In the end, we had to pay extra fees. At this point we were both very frustrated and we wanted to look at other options. We then received a phone call from the company and we told them we were leaving. All of the sudden, they waived all the extra fees and agreed to the calling plan we wanted, at the price we wanted.

Sadly the authorities in Canada do not allow foreign companies to get into the Canadian cell phone, internet and cable television markets. They are afraid that Canadian companies would be unable to compete with foreign competition and would go out of business. The consumer ends up paying much more for those services than they should. There is a large and growing number of Canadians who feel that the regulatory authorities are more concerned with protecting the monopolies instead of the consumers.

We learned from our mistakes and they are not going to happen again. Next time we will move to another company because as a new customer we can get better prices and better service. In my opinion, this situation isn’t going to change any time soon, because Canadians don’t fight for their rights. This is part of the Canadian mindset. On the other hand, as not enough pressure is exerted on authorities by the public, they aren’t willing to change anything.

A few minutes later, his date said she was ready to order. The amount of food she ordered was enough to feed at least 3 people. The dishes she ordered were quite expensive as well. He couldn’t believe she could eat all that food. While they were waiting for their meals, he tried to have a conversation with her. But her mind was elsewhere. She wasn’t the pleasant woman with whom he had quite a few lovely conversations before.

A few minutes after the food was served, her phone rang. She excused herself and left the table to answer her phone. After a long wait, he decided to call her to see where she was, but the call went to voice mail. He was sure she was still in the restaurant, as the table was close to the entrance and he could see who was entering and leaving. When he asked the waitress if she could check in the ladies room to see if his date was there, he was surprised by her answer. The waitress said that his date left a few minutes ago after she grabbed the take out food she ordered.

He was sure she was mistaken because he did not see her leave. Then the waitress drew his attention to another exit. He felt humiliated and pathetic. He was sure everybody felt sorry for him. He asked the waitress for the bill, and when he got it, he couldn’t believe what he saw. In addition to the expensive dishes she ordered and didn’t even taste, he was also charged for her takeout.

When he wanted to leave, he couldn’t find his car keys which he remembered he put on the table. He thought maybe he left them in the car. But they weren’t there, and the car was locked. He came back to the restaurant and asked the waitress if she had seen them. She said they were on the table when she served the food. Even after hearing what she said, he went back and forth a few times, from the car to the restaurant, and looked around until he gave up.

The problem was that all his keys were on one key ring, including the key to his apartment, to his office, and his mail box. Unfortunately he just moved to a new flat and didn’t even make a copy yet. Anyhow, he called his brother who had the spare keys to his car and asked if he could meet him. Before he left, he gave his phone number to the waitress in case someone found the keys.  He also gave her the beautiful flowers he bought for his date and were left on the table. She was very pleased to get them.

He told us that since this bad experience left such a bitter taste in his mouth, he would never ever go on another blind date again, even if he stayed single forever. However, he received a call from the waitress a week later. She told him that some keys were found by an employee in the restaurant parking lot. She also said she would be in his area the next day and she was willing to bring them to him. In the meantime he changed the lock on his apartment door, but was happy to get the car keys back.

He arranged to meet the waitress in some bar. She gave him 3 keys of the 8 that were on the key ring. He invited her to have a drink with him which she gladly accepted. While they were having a conversation she told him she had been thinking about what happened to him, and there is just one conclusion. The woman he met in the restaurant intentionally took his keys, along with her purse, which were sitting on the table. When she left out the back door, she took the keys off the key ring, and threw them all over the parking lot. He was in shock as he didn’t do anything wrong to her. She also said that one of her co-workers told her that this woman is a psycho and this isn’t the first time she has behaved this way.

Anyway, my friend and the waitress met several times and enjoyed each other’s company. After a while they became a couple. You could feel the love in the air. The lady was exactly what he was looking for. Six months later they got married and a year after that they welcomed their first child. In the end, you can never know what the future will bring…………….

 

The way of finding the right match is full of disappointments. Some people find the right one easily and effortlessly, while others need to invest a lot of time and effort. I know some people who were professional blind daters. They were registered on almost all the well known dating sites. They went  on blind dates all the time.

A friend of mine desperately wanted to be in a relationship. He wished to get married and have children. He spent most of his spare time on dating sites, chatting with women online or going on blind dates. He had a goal and was willing to do whatever it took to achieve it. Sometimes he drove for two hours for a date that occasionally lasted only half an hour.

He was a great guy with a big heart and was very sensitive too. But sometimes he was a little naive. I used to tell him he needs to take a break from time to time. I thought that chasing the right match so intensively did not do him any good. He had high expectations which led to many disappointments on his part.

One day he told me he was chatting online with a woman for more than a week, and they spoke on the phone as well. He said they really liked each other, and had a lot in common. Usually he met the woman shortly after they chatted online. But this time he was more cautious. He was excited to meet her and was sure she was the one.

The day before his date, he bought some new clothes. He told me they were meeting in a restaurant which I thought was very expensive. But she chose it and he didn’t want to disappoint her. On the day of the date, he bought her a beautiful bouquet and couldn’t wait to give it to her. He was excited like a little boy. Since my friend and I were involved in the entire process, we asked to be updated after his date.

The next day we waited to hear from him about the exciting evening he had. Although our curiosity was overflowing, we decided to leave him alone and wait patiently. As time went by and we didn’t hear from him, we speculated; maybe he was kidnapped by her…. 🙂  Or maybe the date was so incredible, that they decided to run away to Las Vegas and get married….. 🙂 Then our dream to be the maid of honor would vanish…… 🙂 The fact is we were a bit concerned, as he was very open with us and even if his date didn’t go well, he always told us about it. He knew we would never judge him.

After a long wait we tried contacting him several times, but without any luck. When he finally answered the phone, I said “Hallelujah, where have you been?” He said he had a headache. We were sure his headache was the result of his celebrating all night. So we joked around with him and said “Oh, OK, in that case we will not demand sex tonight”…… 🙂

We soon realized he wasn’t in the mood to hear our amusing comments. Anyway, when I said we would like to come over, he answered ” I want you to know I’m not good company tonight,” We went anyway. When he opened the door for us, he looked like he was hit by a truck. We immediately asked him to spit it out and so he did.

He said he arrived at the restaurant 15 minutes early and she made him wait another half an hour. When she arrived, he walked towards her to greet her. He thought she is a very attractive woman. He put his hand out to shake hers, but she ignored it which surprised him. He led her to the table and when they sat down he gave her the flowers and she said “Oh, nice….”

He noticed she was barely looking at him. He thought she was uncomfortable because it was the first date. He tried to break the ice and asked if she wanted something to eat or drink. She said she was starving and would like to eat something. Suddenly he realized she had been texting someone since she arrived at the restaurant. When the waitress brought the menus she put them on the table and said she would be back shortly to take their order.

TO BE CONTINUED……………

It feels awkward when you socialize with someone and the conversation doesn’t flow, or there is no chemistry between the two of you. In addition it can be very embarrassing when there is too much silence. In situations like this you wish the earth would open up and swallow you……… 🙂 This  frequently happens on a blind date.

You are meeting with someone who is a complete stranger to you. He/she is not your type. They don’t stop talking about themselves, or they don’t say anything at all. You think to yourself, how the hell did I get into this mess. Everybody kept saying to me that I am a good looking person, intelligent and have so much to offer.

They also said I could find the right one without any problem. So what am I doing here…..and then you start daydreaming….busy planning your escape……:-) you are looking for the nearest exit…..:-) You keep suggesting they have another drink, in the hope they will leave the table to use the bathroom. While you leave the table and run to the exit…….:-).

I know quite a few people who went on blind dates, including myself. Some of them I still remember. Someone I knew once came to me and asked if I was in a relationship. When I said I wasn’t, he told me he would like to introduce me to a very nice guy, who he met in university. He thought the guy would be a perfect match for me.

I hesitated at first, since he didn’t know me that well, but he was so excited that I gave him my permission to give his friend my phone number. After a couple of days, the guy called me. We chatted a little bit and asked each other a few general questions. Then we decided to meet next at a well-known cafe at the time, which was located on a main street. I asked how I would recognize him, because it is a crowded street. His answer was I am a very good looking guy, and there is no way you would miss me…..

A person’s appearance is very important, particularly when you meet them for the first time. Some people would say, judging a person by the way they look is superficial. Is it…..?! However, when I came to the place we arranged to meet, I saw several people standing in the area and one person standing and looking around. I can tell you, he wasn’t a very good looking guy….. So I thought my date hadn’t arrived yet.

I decided to walk around the block and came back a few minutes later. When I arrived the second time, I saw the same guy standing in the same spot. I said to myself there is no way he is my date. I decided to make another circle around the block. But he was still standing there. I called his name and he turned and looked at me. I introduced myself and we went in the cafe.

The place was crowded mostly with young people. I looked around and kind of hoped that I wouldn’t run into someone I know. We found a place to sit and we started talking. I told him a little bit about myself and he told me about himself. The conversation didn’t flow and there was a lot of silence. The truth is he wasn’t my type. I knew it as soon as I saw him. But I thought I should give it a try.

All the confidence he had when we spoke on the phone vanished. He wasn’t a handsome guy like I was told by both him and the matchmaker. Obviously beauty is in the eye of the beholder, it is a matter of taste as well. But this isn’t what bothered me. There was no chemistry between us. Anyway, while my eyes were wandering around, I noticed that a few tables over a friend of mine was sitting with someone I never saw before.

It looked like it was a blind date. She looked lost….suddenly we made eye contact and I recognized her distress. I immediately realized she was looking for an escape route……:-)  Anyhow, since this cafe was well known for it’s amazing desert, I decided to “sweeten my bitter destiny”….. 🙂 and ordered a rich chocolate cake, that had a lot of calories. I thought I deserved that…… 🙂

After a while it was clear it wasn’t going anywhere. I suggested we ask for the bill, which I insisted on paying. I didn’t want to feel any obligation. When I glanced at the spot where my friend was sitting, I saw another couple was sitting there. I said goodbye to my date and went straight home.

Half an hour later, I received a phone call from my friend who I saw in the cafe. She told me how bad her date was. The guy she met did not stop speaking about himself. She described it as torture…….While I told her about my date, I came to the conclusion that I was lucky. We started to joke about ourselves. We said we’ll never go on another blind date…… Until next time……….

Too many people think only of their own personal interest. This is mainly because this is their nature, and they’re busy with their daily lives. Yet there are special people who I refer to as the jewels in the crown. They are giving people who don’t expect anything in return, and are willing to do almost everything for others, out of kindness.

Giving and helping others leads to a lot of satisfaction. The mere fact that you have the privilege of helping someone and making him happy, is worth more than money. Unfortunately, there are many more people that need help than those available to help them.

A lot of those helpless people are seniors with health problems and who have no relatives at all, or their relatives are not in the picture. Over the years, I saw quite a number of good people who voluntarily helped others. Although some of them were dealing with their own difficulties. Apparently when you help others you have a tendency to forget your own troubles.

I recently read an article about individuals who dedicate their lives doing good deeds for others. They visit lonely seniors, spend time with them and bring them food. They often buy groceries for them from their own pocket. They’ll take them to their appointments and they are there for them whenever they are needed. They even clean their houses for them. What amazes me most of all is that some of these angels are still in high school, and have a strong desire to help others.

Showing compassion and giving to others makes us a better person. It gives us the feeling of being rewarded even though sometimes we are not appreciated. Research by the author Alan Luks found that those who regularly help others experience measurable health benefits. Quite a few helpers reported that by doing good for others, they feel more energetic and have a wonderful sensation in their body, the same experience people have when working out. Luks call it “the helper’s high”.

When you talk about giving and kindness, I can’t help thinking about the Righteous Gentiles who helped Jews during World War II. Some of them hid Jews in their homes, while risking their family and themselves. One story that I read out of many was of Dr. Ella Lingas and her husband Kurt from Austria.

Dr. Ella had a doctorate in law and also studied medicine at the local university. When the Nazis annexed Austria she started helping Jews who she knew from her classes. During Kristallnacht she hid dozens of Jews in her room. She and her spouse hid a young Jewish lady in their apartment for several months.

The Lingas’ got help for the young lady from a couple who were friends of theirs. This couple was responsible for distributing food tickets, and used to give food tickets to Ella and Kurt for their guest. When the guest had a stomach illness, the Lingas’ housekeeper gave the young lady her ID which allowed her to have an operation.

The Lingas’ house continued to operate as a shelter for their Jewish friends. Some of these friends asked the couple to keep their valuables, so they would not be seized by the Nazis. They also used their contacts to help their friends escape from Austria.

To make a long story short, the Lingas’ were betrayed by someone in their network. In October 1942 they were arrested with another person who also helped Jews. Kurt was sent to the Russian front as punishment, where he was badly injured. Ella and the other helper were sent to Auschwitz. Ella was placed as a doctor of the prisoners in the camp and succeeded in saving a number of Jews from the gas chambers.

Ella was sent on the death march from Auschwitz to Dachau, but managed to survive until the end of the war. On January 3, 1980 Ella and Kurt Lingas were recognized by Yad Vasham, as Righteous Gentiles. Yad Vasham is Israel’s official memorial to the victims of the Holocaust and I found this story on their website.

I cannot finish this post without mentioning my dear husband, who has gone out of his way to help strangers. In the past I knew someone whose spouse was looking for a job. They were both newcomers to Canada. My husband contacted everyone he knew to help him to find a job.

They also needed some furniture, and he did anything he could to get them some. He even went with his friend to deliver some pieces to them as they did not have a car. When one of his friends is having a hard time, he is always there for them, listening, comforting and encouraging them. They know they can rely on him. Lucky me that this is who I married.

 

 

The institution of marriage is not suitable for everyone. Some evidence of this is the high percentage of divorces, and of people not getting married at all. I would say couples today break up a little bit too fast, even though it is frequently a very complicated process and there are children involved.

It is hard to believe that these couples who just few years before, exchanged their marriage vows out of great love and mutual commitment, fight each other like their worst enemies. Many times they use their own children as bargaining chips, which sometimes causes the children irreversible damage.

When you are in a relationship you have to be willing to compromise and be open to a different point of view, otherwise the relationship is doomed to fail. I also think couples should give some space to each other. As well, it is perfectly fine if each of them has their own friends in addition to their mutual friends.

I had a neighbor who I used to occasionally hang out with. She was a very sociable person and had a lot of friends. When she was single she would go to as many social events as possible, and you would see her everywhere. But when she was dating someone, she would completely disappear. When I asked her where she had been, she said that she preferred to concentrate on the relationship and had no time for friends.

Usually her relationships did not last long, as she used to smother her partner until he ran away. One day she said she found the love of her life, and wanted to introduce him to all her friends. I remember we gathered quite a few friends in the pub at her request. It was a very nice evening. She and her boyfriend looked very much in love.

At the end of the evening, the couple announced they were engaged and were getting married soon. We all thought they complemented each other well even though they were different in many ways. He was quiet and introverted, and she was like a hurricane, a very outgoing person. He was the type of person that you could never tell what he was thinking. With her it was very clear, what you see is what you get.

Anyhow, we were happy for them and wished them well. A few months later they got married in an unforgettable wedding. There was so much love in the air. Although she wasn’t my neighbor anymore, she lived not too far from where I lived and I would occasionally run into her on the street.

She always looked happy. She and her spouse did well for themselves over the years. They also had three wonderful children. Several months ago I happened to bump into her. She looked like she lost a lot of weight. It was obvious she was going through something. I didn’t have to ask, she spit it out.

She told me she is in the middle of a long and ugly divorce process. She kept cursing her ex and said he was cheating on her for years with one of her cousins. I have to admit that I didn’t understand how he managed to slip away from her clutches, as she used to watch him like a hawk. He could barely breathe when she was around. Besides, he was so quiet and shy I would have never believed he could do something so out of character for him. But apparently still waters run deep…..

Anyway, she also told me she was determined to fight him until the last penny. Unfortunately, I heard from our mutual friend they brainwashed their own children against each other. I still remember their wedding day. They looked at each other with love and tenderness. They were a beautiful couple. I thought to myself, what a shame, how the hell did they get to this state? Yes, she was too possessive, which was probably due to some insecurity of her part.

But they were dating for a year before they got married. Didn’t he pay attention? In my opinion, this issue is solvable with better communication, because other than that, she was a devoted wife and mother. I wish she knew how to let go a little, perhaps then they wouldn’t be in this situation.

I do not pretend to be an expert on relationships. But sadly I recently heard about a number of of people I know who are getting divorced or are already divorced. Some of them are quite young and have small children. I can’t stop wondering what happened to until death do us part?! Why can’t people set aside their egos? Most of the time there is nothing better out there waiting for them. I’m not saying there are no situations where divorce is inevitable, but couples should try harder to find a solution, especially when they have young children.

Relationships are complex things. Many times couples enter them with expectations and dreams with the love of their life, hoping that this will last forever. But nobody really knows how long it will last. When you are in love, you don’t think that one day you would find yourself in a battle with the person you shared your life with.

 

The first time I meditated was more than a decade ago. I felt a bit stressed at work and looked for a solution. I read a wonderful recommendation about meditation and thought I should try it. When my husband and I registered for meditation classes, we didn’t know there are a variety of different techniques, such as staring at a candle, walking meditations, mindfulness, focusing on breathing, etc…

Anyway, we went twice a week for one hour. It was a relaxing and enjoyable experience for us, and sometimes even entertaining. One of the techniques was to breathe loudly and a little bit faster. It sounded as though we were in a delivery room…:-)  Also, when we were asked by the instructor to lie on our backs and focus our attention on our breathing, I usually heard snoring a few minutes after we started.

People in the group would just fall asleep, including my own husband…..:-) Because of the noise they made, I felt like I was in a carpentry shop or an industrial area…. 🙂 Since I couldn’t concentrate on anything else but their snoring, I thought to myself, oh well…. I should take advantage of the new technique which had just been invented 🙂 🙂 and focus on their snoring 🙂

After a few months, we decided it was enough and stopped attending meditation classes. I continued meditating at home for a while and then I stopped practicing completely. Maybe I felt I achieved my goal. That was a big mistake on my part, which I realized later on.

However, when I suffered from anxiety, I went to see my doctor and explained to her what I was going through. I made it clear I was not interested in taking medication only as a last resort, and asked for a referral to a mindfulness meditation group. A couple of weeks later I received a phone call from the mindfulness meditation center.

I was told there was approximately a two month wait before I could attend any group meditation sessions. In the meantime I found mindfulness meditation videos on YouTube and started practicing on my own. In the beginning, I meditated for 20 minutes a day.

I must say that an improvement occurred in my situation shortly after I started.  The more time I spent meditating, the less anxious I became. I have been regularly meditating for about an hour a day for several years now. It is part of my life, and I left my anxieties far behind me.

There are many benefits to meditating when you make it a habit. For example, it is free, you can do it everywhere,and whenever it is convenient for you. From my experience, it helps to fall asleep, to relax, increases self awareness, reduces stress and anxiety, and more.

A few years ago I saw a documentary about a group of people who suffered from depression. They were taking medication for many years. A number of them had severe symptoms and had no social life. Their doctors sent them to group meditation sessions. Some of them reported substantial improvement in their quality of life, and at least two of them stopped taking medication completely.

In my opinion, meditation has to be a part of our culture, and should be included in the education system, starting in elementary school. This way we will be a better society, more tolerant, more patient and less aggressive.